Comfortable
by Duckypantz
Summary: Here's CHAPTER 3! It's Mac's turn to get what she wants, to be happy, but she needs help before she can be with Harm
1. Time for Thoughts

Comfortable

Chapter One

By: Ducks

Disclaimer: JAG and its characters or actors are not mine. Damn. But other characters are. 

Spoilers: Everything up until Season 9's opener

************************************************************************************************************

          So they safely made it back home to Washington, D.C. but neither of them was back in one piece. Paraguay had been a trying time for both of them. Lessons were still not learned even though revelations are trying to break through. 

It took Harmon Rabb Jr. awhile but as soon as he set foot in his apartment, his home, everything came together. He was struggling to realize why he gave everything that ever meant anything to him, for her. He knew all along why he does what he does …because of her. Everything relates back to _her. _

 _ A little too late huh?_ He thought to himself. _She's right. Every time she has one foot out of the door do I show visibly show interest. I guess I feel like I have all the time in the world to feel comfortable with moving forward with her and then BAM! Something happens to throw off my balance, such as her leaving for __Paraguay__, or getting engaged. I was one lucky bastard with her engagement not following through to marriage. But this __Paraguay__ thing leaves me uneasy. She changed while she was down there. She faced things that I would have given my life to make sure she would never see. She formed a bond with Webb, one almost a strong as the one she and I share, and it only formed within a few short weeks. _

He sighed and went through the motions of unpacking and cooking dinner. All of a sudden he just felt so alone. He picked up his guitar and strummed a few notes, but even the companionship of music couldn't bring him out of his funk. Even though she had been physically apart from him on that mission for weeks, she was still with him in his head and his dreams. But now it seems like when she crushed his hope of them being anything more than friends, she went inside of his head and broke the bond they had between them. So now, he can no longer think of her and be comforted. He feels so cold. 

_Even when I was looking for Dad did I ever feel this …empty. Not even after Jordan or even Diane leaving me for the life beyond this world, did I ever feel so alone. And Sarah is right across town, she isn't dead or missing. Why am I feeling like this? How can she make me feel so much, when no one else ever has? _

***

Across town Sarah Mackenzie is looking out her window, not even trying to go through the motions of unpacking and getting reacquainted with her surroundings. Things were so much clearer in Paraguay, away from the reality of Washington, but now she isn't so sure that what was said and done in Ciudad Del Este doesn't make much sense back in the real world where _real consequences are faced. But feelings are real wherever they take place. _

_Why did he come and rescue me? The one question I need the answer for and he doesn't even know himself. He gave up his life for me but what does that mean to him? What about Clayton? I never really considered him someone that I could possibly be interested in but that was when I only saw the "spook" side of him. He let me inside and showed me around his thoughts and emotions. He told me that he _needed_ me. When have I ever had a man tell me that he needed me, that he depended on me? How do I feel about Clay? What about _him_, the only him in my life – the one that has been by my side and been my partner through it all? And now Clay hobbles in a throws another variable into the problem – the jumbled mess of my emotions. I know what is safe but do I know what is real? Should I throw caution out this very window right now and go to what I want to be true? Do I sit and wait for him to come to me? Or do I go for what I am guaranteed to be safe because I know how Clay feels? _

_If I decide to go the safe route, will I be cheating myself of absolute happiness? Who is my penguin? Or has he not even joined the damn game yet? It's a wonder with all these warring emotions inside of me, consuming my entire mind, make me feel so alone…_

Mac continued to look out of her window, desperately wishing for someone to interrupt her solitude. She didn't want to be analyzing her emotions, she had been through life just fine without mulling over what to do but now it seems that that's all she can do. She wants to pick up her phone and call someone but the one person she trusts enough with her emotions to call is the one she is confused about. _His ego does not need to get any bigger and if I called him to talk about me thinking about him and us, that's just what it would do. And no one wants a Harm with any more of an inflated ego, they would burn me at the stake. Just thinking about the humorous consequences of her possible actions made Sarah smile. __Who knows what's going to happen? I just know that from now on I am going to do what makes me__ happy and not just focus on what makes other people happy. I am going to be selfish for once and go after what I want. Except first I have to find out what I want. _

_I really wish Jingo was still here. I hope he's helping Chloe out as much as he helped me out with all the emotional turmoil that comes along with being female. _

Author's Ramblings: So what did y'all think? All you have to do is click that ok button right below this note and boom you can tell me what you think of the story. Should I continue? How did you like the format of thoughts and what- not?


	2. Pud Thai Talks

Chapter Two

Comfortable

By Ducks

Disclaimer: JAG isn't mine…today at least…hehehe (evil laugh)

Author's Note: Thank you so much to all of you who sent in reviews and also all those who read, y'all really made my day – my week actually. Oh and I apologize about the whole weird large spacing thing that was going on in the last chapter, my comp likes to be strange. 

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************

            After a week of recovery Sarah Mackenzie was ready for work. She was so tired of all the debriefing that she had over at the CIA and had decided that never would be too soon for her to go on another undercover operation.  She just wanted to get back to normalcy and that equaled JAG. The Admiral wouldn't let her go back to work right after all of her superficial wounds had healed, he showed his caring side in a gruff manner, telling her that he wanted her back 150%, mind and body, because she had a lot of work on her desk. She knew that he just meant that he wanted all the marbles in her head aligned and secure. 

            So she was suck at home for another 4 days. It was Thursday and she didn't go back to JAG until Monday.  What was she going to do with herself? She didn't want to be alone because then her demons would come out to play and would wreck havoc on her psyche, something that she couldn't handle; it was something that she was used to forcing into the back of her mind and locking it in the safe box back there, then throwing away the key. 

            But having so much time on her hands, and having the cable out, she couldn't _not think, she couldn't _not_ overanalyze her life. She called the Admiral and begged him to give her some work for the few days before she was to report back to work. He refused. But he did come over to her apartment to check on her. _

            Sarah was taking yet another nap since it was easier to sleep than think, when knocking awoke her. She was completely disoriented and had no idea what time it was. Her internal clock had been thrown off by all the down time she was having. She opened her door and was very surprised to see the Admiral at the door with food. 

            "Hello, Colonel.  How are you doing? I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of bringing food over, I was banking on the idea that you were at home resting, and luckily I was right."

            "Good afternoon sir. I am doing well, very well in fact, that I think I should be going back to work this afternoon but that decision is not mine to make so I'm just catching up on my sleep."

            "Yes, that isn't _your decision to make. I am your CO and I actually _do _know what I am doing, most of the time anyway. You just have a few more days and you'll be back at work and cursing me for load I am giving you."_

            "I highly doubt that sir."

            "Just wait until Monday to make that verdict. Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to join me for lunch. I brought some Thai food from that place that just opened up around headquarters, it's called Neisha Thai. I haven't tried it yet but Meredith swears by the Washingtonian and it names the restaurant one of the top hundred picks."

            "Well I trust her judgment. You know you can come inside sir." The Admiral looks a bit sheepish as he steps through the threshold of her apartment. 

            "Thank you. Since we are not in the office and you are on leave until Monday I think it is only fair that we speak on informal terms, if that's alright with you, Mac."

            "Sure sir. I mean AJ…Sorry, it just feels a bit weird."

            "Understandable." They set up the food and starting eating. "I didn't know what you would like and I wanted to surprise you so I didn't call you, then I was going to call Rabb but I decided against that one too…"

            "Sir, AJ, it's ok, don't worry about it. As Harm has said on numerous occasions, I like to eat and I am amicable to most any food, as long as it's not his vegetarian lasagna." She thinks back to that happy time and has a small soft smile that doesn't go unnoticed by AJ. 

            "Oh, I remember the scuttlebutt about that one. Don't look surprised. Tiner is the worst old lady when it comes to gossip, I just hope that Coates is as good as he was. I don't think it's fair for me to compare them but I mean the comparison is there, she _is_ taking over his job so…"

            "I understand," Mac replies laughing, she has never seen the Admiral look so uncomfortable and at the same time weirdly comfortable, it was disconcerting. "I can just picture Tiner as an old woman at the beauty salon gossiping at the hair dryers, it's a funny sight." AJ just looks perplexed but finally can see the scene in his head and snorts with laughter. 

            "On a more serious note, how are you doing, Mac? I don't even want to think about what happened in Paraguay to you and that Webb but are you handling ok?"

            "Honestly, I am coping. It was a completely different world down there, something that my Marine training never even came close to preparing me for, mentally I mean, physically you know Marines are the best, but it was unexplainable there."

            "I am so sorry Sarah. If I had known, I wouldn't have even considered letting you go with Webb. Usually on those missions with him, you and Harm have been very lucky and never gotten put in really bad positions. Well you have but somehow you both are so lucky that you all got out unscathed."

            "It wasn't your fault sir," she shakes her head, "I mean AJ. You gave me the option to accept the mission or decline it. I made the decision of my own volition. If I had known then what I know now, I don't know if I could would have turned down the mission. Harm and I got rid of those stinger missiles and many of the "bad guys." Nothing physically happened to me that was really bad, except for Harm crashing another plane, but _they_ never tortured me, Harm saved the day just in time." There was a long pause where Sarah was lost in her own thoughts. AJ could see them flitting across her eyes and decided not to interrupt.

She completely forgot that AJ was there and was in her own world reliving the events in Paraguay. "I was on the table that Clayton had been on when they tortured him. I saw the instruments. I was strapped on to that torture table and all I could do is wait. The guards who were about to torture me heard Harm and Gunny come to our rescue and they left me in there, on the table, waiting. Just imagining all the things that they could have done to me, I could have easily let myself go insane." She smiled a small, sad smile. "But Harm pulled me out of it. Him and his damn bantering. He brought me back from the brink of sanity." A huge realization hit her right then, as she was lifting the pud thai noodle to her mouth. She dropped her chopsticks and exclaimed, "Dammit, I completely fucked that up with him!" 

The Admiral had been quiet that whole time because he knew that she had forgotten his presence. His eyes widened in surprise at her exclamation but he said nothing. He was extremely eager to hear what she had to say. He moved closer to her in anticipation of her admission about Rabb.

            Mac continued her thoughts outloud, unaware of the Admiral's presence, still. "I can't believe that I didn't realize this before I opened my big mouth and told him that a relationship between us would never work! Ugh! I am such a moron. For a long time I thought that he had only one main, true love in his life – flying. And you know what he did? He gave that up for ME – to save ME when my mission went south. He gave up his one true love for…"

            The Admiral _had to put in his opinion here, he wanted to speed up the realization process a little bit. He was getting too impatient. Almost eight years of waiting could cause a man to be impatient. "YOU. He gave it all up for you, Mac. It's always been about you."_

            Mac realized where those words were coming from and she completely closed up. "Sir! I am so sorry. I completely forgot that you were here. I overstepped my bounds, I apologize."

            "Mac don't close down on me now. You were just getting somewhere important. Realization of such a pivotal thing in your life isn't something you can plan. Now I know you well enough that if you were alone, you would have shut down completely and done the whole ignoring routine. Talk this through Mackenzie." His words were followed by a long pause, interrupted by the clicking of chopsticks. 

            "Sir, AJ, I just…can't. I can't face any of this. I am tired of being the one to realize and face things. It's just too much…I'm fine, don't worry about me."

            "I know you can handle yourself better than any officer and person I know but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't help yourself or have help in such difficult situations."

            "AJ, I don't need help. I am a big girl who has faced everything by herself and doesn't need someone's help now."

            "I know I can't help you because I am too close to the situation, but what if you got yourself some help, outside of JAG and the Marines? I think it could help a lot. You know I hate being personal, but I only want what's best for you."

            Since Mac was dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions, AJ's admission threw off her equilibrium. Her eyes quickly filled, and the Admiral uttered a 'damn.' At that, Mac shook her head and steeled her eyes. "Thanks sir," shakes her head, "AJ. That means more to me than anything you could have said."

            "Ugh. I don't like this emotional stuff. But do you think you will consider getting someone to talk to? Maybe to help you sort out all this conflicting emotional turmoil; it obviously has been building and has been boiling up and over in and since Paraguay?"

            "I don't know. I don't really want to face it. I don't want to think. I want to throw myself into work and forget anything that has happened these past weeks. It's driving me insane that I have had to stay home, and _think_."

            AJ smiled at that, "I know. That was my intention." Sarah grinned at him for his evilness.  "Unfortunately, I have to get back to work, since my lunch hour is over. But this has been a very interesting and informative lunch. We miss you back a JAG and want you back as soon as possible, but that means that you will be completely recovered from everything in Paraguay by then."

            "Sir, with all due respect, I don't think that will be possible by Monday. And this whole informative business, yeah, it stays right here at this table with this food. K?"

            "Yes, ma'am." He saluted her with a smile. "If you do anything before Monday, please do something for me and go see someone. I know what you are thinking, it doesn't mean you are weak, it means that you are stronger for admitting that you need help. Trust me, when I had just gotten divorced, I was afraid to date, or even get emotionally close to a woman, I had been _that _hurt. I went to get help. Now I am happy and able to have an emotionally satisfying relationship with Meredith."

            Mac looked amazed at the Admiral's admission and couldn't speak for a few moments because he had confided in her. "Sir, I had, I had no idea. Thank you. I really needed that. I am going to think about talking to someone, but I think you know that I am going to do it, just because of you and what you told me about yourself."

            "That's all I ask, Colonel. Now I am going to get back to work and I will call you this weekend ok? I want to check up on my Chief of Staff to see how she is fairing. I worry you know."

            "Thank you, sir."

            "Get better Mac."

            "Thanks to you, sir, I am well on my way." The Admiral left and Mac felt lighter than she had since before Paraguay, since before her father died, since before this whole thing with Harm had gotten off it's 'honeymoon' track years before. The Admiral, in his own way, had gotten her started on the right track, she just needed the courage and strength to continue on it. So before she could even think, she called up the psychiatrist's number that the Admiral left on her counter. As she waited for someone to answer the phone Mac thought, _this Brianna McLean better be as good as the Admiral says because I don't think I could handle it if she couldn't help me_. 

            "Dr. McLean's office?"

            _It's now or never, Marine_. "Hi, my name is Sarah Mackenzie and I was referred to Dr. McLean by a friend. I was wondering if I could get an appointment at the next available time?"

            "Let me see, Sarah. Who referred you?"

            "Admiral AJ Chegwidden."

            "Hold on one moment." Barely one minute passed before the receptionist was back one the phone. "I can have you in this afternoon. Dr. McLean personally asked me to see if you could come in as soon as possible. The Admiral was a special patient of hers and anyone he refers is top priority."

            Sarah smiled at the Admiral's reach. "Sure, I can come in at 4 if that is possible."

            "4 is perfectly fine. Now let me get some information from you, give you directions, and we'll be all set…"

***

Author's Ramblings: Tell me what you all think of this chapter. Was the emotional stuff too abrupt? How do you like the direction? I'd love to hear what you think.       


	3. Crazy Coffee Chats

Chapter Three

Comfortable

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the JAG characters are mine

Author's Note: Thank you all for taking time to review and to read my story. It just brings me such a joy to know that other

                              people spend time actually reading my work. So thanks a lot. 

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************

            The rest of the early afternoon passed quickly after Mac made her appointment. Before she knew it, it was time for her to be heading over to Dr. McLean's office which, ironically was in McLean. Mac settled herself into her Corvette and proceeded to drive through the streets of D.C. She was getting on E Street to get onto Theodore Roosevelt Bridge when it hit her. 

            She smacked the steering wheel and exclaimed out loud, "I said WHAT in front of the Admiral? I…he…heard…things…"

"Oh my GOD! I said 'fuck' in front of him…I talked about my really weird relationship with Harm in front of him…I just committed career suicide by telling my CO that there is more than just a friendly working relationship with Harm. I am going to get sent to Russia or some other equally bad place for someone working at JAG to be…"

"Wait, Harm isn't part of the Navy or JAG anymore. Well at least he wasn't part of either when I divulged certain leading information so I am not held in contempt for fraternization. God! I am _such_ a lawyer, thinking of all these damn loopholes."

"But if there was anyone to tell, it would be the Admiral because he is just one of the good guys who, not unlike my friends, wants to help, but doesn't meddle or get all emotional like Harriet, or just overbearing like Harm. The Admiral takes what you tell him in confidence at face value and tries to help you solve the problem."

"I guess I was missing companionship. I haven't spent anytime with anyone outside of the CIA debriefs since I have gotten back home…I haven't even visited Clayton in the hospital." Mac stops thinking out loud because she is brought up short in traffic. "There is no way that there can be traffic on the TR Bridge on a Thursday afternoon. It's barely even afternoon, it's 3:02. Rush hour doesn't start for about another hour or so. Why am I then stopped?" She looks ahead and sees the construction that has been ongoing on the bridge for the last five years. "When are they ever going to finish with this damn right lane? How many times can they take it apart and put it back together with those huge metal strips? My car's alignment is permanently messed up because of them. All because that George Washington Parkway exit is right over the bridge…"

"So I get to sit in traffic. Let's hope that there is something decent on the radio." Of course, when she turned on the radio, it was on WTOP, traffic and weather together on the eights, but she could not handle any more bad news about traffic. She hit the FM button and searched for something decent on. There was nothing but DJs counting down until the workday was over, at five. It was barely after three and already there was a countdown. Mac definitely had a higher appreciation for JAG because it kept her away from the madness that ensues during a boring afternoon. 

She finally gets onto the Parkway and shuts off the radio. Again she is left to her own thoughts. Normally she would think that talking to oneself is a sure sign of insanity but she craved noise and the sound of someone's voice, even if it was her own. But she is driving in the quiet and her thoughts pounced on an unsuspecting Colonel. She fully realizes where she is going and what she is doing, so nerves set in.  So she starts thinking out loud again. "Why am I even going again? Is there any need for me to all of a sudden after living my life for thirty some odd years by myself and with myself as my only council, to go get help and advice from some outside person, a professional none the less? I don't really need to share my emotions with some stranger. I know how to live my life and talking to someone so openly that I don't know really freaks me out."

"But the Admiral asked me to do this, well strongly suggested it…I guess if he can admit when he, the big bad SEAL needs help, maybe I can too. Ugh, I am already in McLean and I have at least a half of an hour before I have to be there. Sometimes I just hate being me and having all these annoying quirks like being early." Mac continued ratting on herself as she came up upon a Starbucks in a shopping center on Old Dominion. It was the largest Starbucks that she had ever seen. "Starbucks is the perfect place to waste a good half of an hour."

            She got out of the car and walked inside the mammoth coffee place. At the counter she was greeted by this teddy bear looking man. He was taking the orders in an obviously fake Scottish brogue, but he definitely lightened her mood. When it was her turn the teddy bear man looked at her and asked, "Now what'll yah have, lass?" 

            _Lass! I am easily ten years older than him and he's calling me lass. Goodness. _"I'll take a grande skim latte and a cranberry orange muffin please."

            "Calling: Lorelei." The man called to the Asian guy on bar who looked up.

            He asked the teddy bear, "Where is she?"

            "I was just saying that it was her drink, I didn't mean to imply that she was here." Just when he finished a woman walked through the door and both men turned. Sarah just rolled her eyes thinking, _men. All they care about is a pretty face. She is probably one of those tall leggy blondes like Renee who are all looks and no substance._ And the teddy bear called out, "LORELEI, DAWLING! How are you? I haven't seen you all day!" Mac looked over at the woman to see if she was correct about her assumption. _She's my height, maybe a little taller. She is blonde but not the annoying type, platinum. Is young, but professional looking with a little personal flair of style. I really like her skirt. Someone else had taken me over, giving me my muffin and collecting my money while the teddy bear picked up Lorelei._

            "Hey Looper." 'Lorelei' said laughing. "Hey Ron!" She called over to the man on bar, making the drinks. Mac was waiting for her drink by the bar and was watching this all take place. "Looper can you please put me down? You know I do know how to walk and I am wearing a skirt. No wrinkles, no wrinkles."

            He put her down and she settled herself near Mac and was talking to who Mac discerned as Ron. 

            "I can't believe he picked me up! I need to look nice because I am meeting a senior lawyer here today. I didn't get to really make an impression of him or on him before he went on some sort of trip but I need his help and he just got back. I need to look professional and unrumpled. Ahhh I am so nervous. How are your classes? I can't believe that you are finally in your last year of law school already."

            "Honey, don't be nervous. You look gorgeous, but check your eyes in the bathroom in a few. You know I don't like the fact that you are years younger than me and you are already a lawyer and I still have a year…"

            "But I don't have my masters like you do in Biology…"

            "But still…anyway, my classes aren't too bad. I am so glad that I am going to George Mason…" the conversation continued but Mac zoned out, still waiting for her drink as Ron foamed the milk. Mac started thinking again, _this is just amusing to watch. It seems so monotonous and mundane but after the month that I have had, I think the boring and regular are just fine with me. _ 

            Mac got her drink as the Lorelei woman stated, "He's here. I am not going to trip or freak out. I will be professional and chill."

            Ron replied just as Mac was turning around to see the guy, "Wow, can I work with you? DAMN! He is so fine. Why has he never been in here before…" and Mac realized who it was – Harm. _What the hell is he doing here meeting this random person? No it doesn't work this way._

Mac didn't want Harm to realize she was there. She turned to face Lorelei, who was still at the customer side of the bar, and told her, "Don't worry about your eyes, they are fine, your friend was just being a perfectionist."

Lorelei laughed one of those loud honking laughs that garners attention and replied, "Thanks. I should have realized but I was a bit too nervous. I have to go meet a colleague but thanks again." She turned to leave but said, "Oh yeah, I forgot my manners but hi, I'm Lorelei Dougal." (pronounced Doogal)

"Very nice to meet you, I am Sarah Mackenzie." When Mac told Lorelei her name, Lorelei's eyes went up to her eyebrows, with a quizzical look on her face, as if she was thinking about the name, but it only lasted a second before her expression returned to a smile. 

"It was very nice to meet you but I have to…"

"Don't worry about it, go meet your colleague. Good luck," Mac added as she bypassed Harm and Lorelei, who had met him to the counter to order, while Mac, by averting her head, made a beeline for the stairs to the second floor. As she walked past Harm, he got this strange look as if he had sensed something and turned around to see the back of Sarah's head as she went around the corner. He thought, _that woman looks exactly like Mac, but she wouldn't be in __McLean__, it's too far into the boonies of __Virginia__ for her to venture. But she sure does share a lot of physical qualities, from what I can tell, with Mac. I wonder how she's doing. Will she call? Should I call?_

Harm was interrupted by Lorelei who greeted Harm, 'Commander,' and Mac ducked into the stairwell as Harm corrected her and told Lorelei that since they were off-duty, that they didn't have to be so formal. Mac was in the basically sound-proof stairwell and missed Lorelei telling Harm that they should order, her treat, and go to the upstairs because they could get better work done up there. 

Mac was just settled into a chair with her latte so she could whittle away the 20 minutes that she had left when she heard Harm's booming voice exclaim as he opened the door to the second floor, "I can't believe the Admiral has just thrown you to the sharks and it's what, your second week?" Mac quickly swiveled around in her chair thanking God that she hadn't chosen to sit in one of the plush chairs because she would have been noticed and she just wasn't ready for that confrontation. _I need to find out what's going on with him. I left him after things were said in the heat of the moment and as strong as I think and I know I am, I can't help but wonder if I was too premature in my conclusions. _Mac did not want to get into it with herself right before her first appointment with the psychiatrist. She didn't want to give off the impression that she was weak and all emotional. 

Mac looked out over the railing to the first floor of the store, trying to look nonchalant as she was eavesdropping on _their_ conversation.  

"Sir, how was your trip?" Lorelei asked. 

"It's Harm when we are off-duty ok? And you aren't even…" He shakes his head. "And the trip…it was fine." He replied at first in a nice tone but once he spoke about his time in Paraguay, his tone turned terse and dismissive.

"Ok, so we're done with that topic. Ok I am taking the Dayton case. I am prosecuting against Commander Turner's defense. Dayton is _so _guilty. He allegedly raped another lieutenant while they were on shore-leave. He claims that she threw herself at him and he warded off her advances so she went and I quote 'got some' from a rough and tough guy."

"Well you are really going to work hard trying to prove his guilt. Sturgis will make you earn each and every point. But I definitely think that you should get him up on the stand as soon as possible because he does not sound like a very smart guy. You could get him riled up and have him slip up. Was there any physical evidence?"

"She didn't go to a doctor while there was still semen inside of her but she did go within 48 hours. Doctors did take the pictures of her for evidence so I can use them. I also have witnesses that put the defendant and the plaintiff together on the night in question and that saw him lead her out of the bar."

"So it seems like you have a strong case. Did you bring the files with you?"

"I think so. Let me check." She tore through her briefcase. "Umm, yeah, I don't think I have it." She gave a sheepish look. "Whose case was it before it was reassigned to me?"

"Mac. It was supposed to be her case but then she left and you got here to replace Singer." Mac thought, _ man__ I knew why he became my best friend. I mean I knew who she was to a point but I needed the explicitness. Smart Rabb. Oh I hope that she doesn't ask about me._

"What is 'Mac's' full name? I know she's a colonel but you only refer to her as Mac and everyone else refers to her as 'the Colonel' and I haven't met her yet."

"Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, USMC. She should be getting back to work next week I think."

"Oh. Ok. When are you getting back to work?"

"That's a bit of a sore subject. I don't really know if I _have a job when I get back. I have an appointment with the Admiral tomorrow to talk."_

"Good luck, Harm. We are a bit behind on the caseload with you and the Colonel gone so he'll welcome you back with open arms."

"You obviously haven't been at JAG long enough to know the Admiral, his moods, and his grudges. If you need anymore help, you can email me. Oh, Sturgis does his killings in his closing, more so than his opening. But I have to go. Sorry to help and run but, yeah.  I have to get over to Bethesda Naval and visit a friend."

"Thank you so much. I didn't mean to bother you but as you know anyone else left in the office is part of the opposition, so this means a lot to me. I hope your friend will get better soon. I think Bethesda is very drab, not a cohesive environment with getting better."

"No problem, Doug. I like helping and sticking my nose into other cases, helping Sturgis lose. You know what I just thought, all the nicknames of people in the office, well three, are masculine even though two of the three are female. Sorry I am just random. But I do have to be off. So I will see you tomorrow. I'll stop by your office and see about the case…yes and I will tell you about the meeting, don't worry."

"See you later, Harm. Thanks again." Harm went downstairs and left the Starbucks. If he had looked back he would have seen Sarah looking down at him, longing for him to turn around, look at her and talk to her. In her revere, Mac didn't realize someone had come to stand right behind her. 

Lorelei, a.k.a. Doug, had noticed Mac upstairs the moment she and Harm had opened the door. Now that she had finally realized who Mac was, Lorelei had to say something. "Colonel? I am so sorry that I didn't realize who you were downstairs. I am Lorelei Dougal, JAG corps in Falls Church. Even though I am not in the Marines or the Navy, the Admiral felt that I fit the job, so I am a civilian lawyer. I just started a few weeks ago while you were away." Lorelei waited with one of those expressions on her face, like she was expecting the worst.

Mac, being pulled out of her own world shook her head and said, "It's nice to officially meet you. I didn't know that we were getting a new lawyer on-staff but I guess since Singer…and that I was away, I wasn't consulted. But it is nice to meet you again. I'm Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, USMC, as you know that I know Harm told you. I don't get back to JAG until Monday."

"Oh ok. Well I have an appointment at four and it's almost 3:50 and I need to get there on time. It was really nice to meet you. I can't wait to work with you because I have heard great things about you from Commander Rabb." _Good things from Harm? Interesting, Mac thought. "Oh yeah, and everyone calls me Doug, you can if you want. I will see you on Monday." Doug turned to go downstairs, but turned back to Mac as she reached the door. "Oh yeah, I hope you took notice, ma'am, who mentioned you, at least twice, in just this conversation that took place up here this afternoon." Lorelei turned on her heel and went down the stairs and left the building. _

Mac just sat there. First of all she was not pleased that her internal clock forgot to warn her that she needed to leave now to get to her appointment. Secondly, she was curious about Lorelei Dougal. _This woman is replacing Singer, has replaced Singer. I see the same ambition in her but not the maliciousness. She is also kind of sassy, with the whole mentioning who brought my name up in the conversation with Harm and assuming that I was listening. I think I'm going to like her._

***

            Mac made it to Dr. Brianna McLean's office with seconds to spare. She was impressed at the location of the office, it was a town house in the middle of a very nice development. When Mac went into the house she saw how well decorated and how comfortable some of the rooms looked before she found the waiting room. She wanted to explore all the rooms and see the themes and what nots. She didn't have to wait at all because she was ushered back out into a room right off of the front door landing but now instead of being open and easily visible from the door, the room was in its own cocoon, blocked off from the rest of the world. It was done in bold colors and overstuffed sitting areas. Mac realized that she should have known that the Admiral wouldn't have gone to a regular by-the-book psychologist. She silently thanked him for that because the room gave off such a comfortable aura that she couldn't help but relax. But as soon as she heard the door open her entire body tensed up, ready for battle.

            "Hi Sarah, I am sorry to keep you waiting. I am Brianna McLean, it is so nice to finally meet you. I have always wanted to put a face with one of the names that AJ kept bringing up."

            "It's nice to meet you too."

            "AJ warned me that you would be a hard nut to break through. But that's ok. If I can handle him, I can take on the world. You know, it took me months for him to finally be able to open up and trust someone. And this was when he was coming to me on a daily basis. It was incredible. But once he trusted me, it was all worth it. The way he talked about JAG and all of you, I felt like I knew you. Oh, if you hadn't caught on by now, which AJ would scoff and say, 'of course she has caught on, she's Colonel Mackenzie _my _chief of staff. I wouldn't hire someone who wasn't just book smart but intuitively smart as well,' well, I ramble and tell stories a lot. I just want to get you comfortable with me before we even start talking about you. So I wanted to tell you one quick story about AJ. This didn't happen in one of our sessions because we haven't had one of those in years, but this was at lunch about a month ago. He was tossing around the idea of proposing to Meredith. So we went out to lunch to talk about it. He thought he was ready but you know how indecisive men can be, and he was all worried about her saying no. He wanted to make some big romantic gesture but every time he tried to describe what he wanted to do or what ring to get, he got really nervous and stuttery. Yes, AJ of all people, got the stutters and insecure. That's when I knew that Meredith was the right woman for him because love makes people act against norm. And now I have heard from him what happened when he tried multiple times to ask for her hand and all of the things that went wrong, but their finally engaged…I just can't get over AJ stuttering."

            Mac laughed because she would have paid to see him get all nervous like that. Mac realized that this was a great match in a doctor for her because Brianna honed in on what was important about AJ's change in character, _she must really know him well enough for him to see that __side of him. "Neither can I. Well, I take that back. I have seen him stutter –when he was so mad at Harm that he couldn't see straight, let alone speak. But that's another story."_

            "So…Ah, abrupt segue way…I can never do this well. I heard about Paraguay very superficially from AJ; one because he wanted to tell me about the sensitivity of the nature of the subject, the whole CIA what-not, and secondly, so that you didn't have to give me any of the technical stuff about your mission since I bet The Agency has probably made you go over and over all that stuff since your return." Mac looked impressed with Brianna and Dr. McLean in turn replied, "I watch all that drama TV, specifically _Alias_, I know what it's all about." They both laughed.

            Mac took a deep breath and centered herself. _I can do this. She will help me. I can share with her. If the Admiral can, I can._ "Well…I went on this mission with an agent – spook is a better name for him – Clayton Webb…"

Author's Note: Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Tell me what you think. Where do you see this going? Should it continue? Tell me tell me.


End file.
